I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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