I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
