i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
