they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
