Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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