If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
