Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
