my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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