naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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