Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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