1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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