pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
