I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
