So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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