You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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