I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
