her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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