i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
