I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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