You smell like stripper and shame
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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