(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
