When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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