i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
