I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
