Where did you get a picture of my penis
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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