Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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