I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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