Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize