Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
