3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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