so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
