Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
