if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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