Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
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Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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