I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
