it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
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I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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