I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
