if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
