wake up i wanna do it froggy style
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
