Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
