the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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