btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
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God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
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You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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