I CAN MOONWALK!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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