went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
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this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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