We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You can't motorboat a personality
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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