my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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