I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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