i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
