remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize