Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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