She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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