I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
