just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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