So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
