that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
