I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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