Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize