Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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