Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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