Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
