Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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