Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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