I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
from now on my penis is your penis
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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