I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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