just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
