a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
