yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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