Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just blew my weed a kiss
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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