So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
