We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
