she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
