I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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