a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
