I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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