um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
