Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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