I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
