NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
