booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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