ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
