your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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