i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
