He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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