imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
