I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
