How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
